…and I decided to take a year off to travel. confessions of an ex-fashion girl.
Accepting impermanence is a life long pursuit.
For the longest time, I’ve been yearning to write to you, and yet words kept chocking on my throat, and there’s this fear that’s been confronting me whether these thoughts make any sense. Since my last post, I’ve been on this journey within evaluating everything in my life. Who is Melis, what drives her?
In order to explain this story, I need to go back to the beginning of how everything started…
catch me up
It was our first time in the Maldives a little over a year ago. As an immigrant in the United States, it felt as if my whole life has been in survival mode, and the pursuit of trying to make it in America. However I never stopped to think and understand my lifestyle. Some of us are chained to think, you get a job, you get salary, and the better you do, the more things you can buy. I fell into this category.
When you live in a city like NYC, you can’t help but want things to fill your space. I just felt like I needed things, so many things, but was it truly fulfilling my soul and creating happiness?
This lifestyle made sense to me at the time, because I haven’t had a chance to understand the reasons behind the thought process. The more I worked, the more I wanted to spend and fill my space with stuff. But when we were in Maldives – I’m not sure whether it was the human to island space ratio, or the vastness of turquoise waters, my mind kept expanding. “WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?!” I asked Abel. It felt like I peaked, and I didn’t know what else there was left for me. Because I was in such a good place, I also created some of my self-proclaimed best work.
The crash right after was heavy in a first world kind of way. I went through my LONGEST creative block, and nothing felt new or different anymore. I stopped posting regularly, a lot of you reached out to ask if I was okay. To be honest, I felt a lot of guilt leaving you in the dark. New York was making me feel claustrophobic, I started the conversation of perhaps moving out of the city – something that your better half does not want to hear given we just did the coast to coast moving. However, I always knew deep down that, one day Abel and I would take some time off, and travel the world. I had this strong urge to see and reconnect with our planet and I hoped that I could find some answers. So for everyone who’s been asking why we’ve been traveling so much, I hope this sheds a bit of light.
It’s only natural for all living beings to change over time. What I was going through was merely an evolution of my being and creative soul. It wanted, scratch that NEEDED more than what I was currently doing. I still think dressing is a form of art, but my art and interests grew beyond fashion covering more travel, photography, and spirituality – some of the other things that bring my soul joy.
What I really realized through this journey is that my main goal is not to convince you to buy something or live your life a certain way, I think there are many people who are doing an amazing job out there. I still hope to share my unbiased honest opinions about everything and will try my best to answer your questions about anything. Creating in any form including photography helps me heal as a human being, and what I hope is to show life through our eyes and perhaps help you get through something too. No matter the circumstances, there’s always love and light, you just have to see it.
What I also realized, it took a freaking LONG TIME I know – but there’s more to life than Instagram, and to be honest, the influencer path isn’t for me. This completely changed my mindset about photography and creativity. Posting the things that truly inspire me and make me happy vs. posting them for likes/comments and the algorithm. I think what I love the most is capture a moment that is forever dear to me. In order to do so, good vibes and virtually stimulating place is key, my outfit still matters too, of course. Bonus points for the less people there are, the better. Here’s a little secret: my personal happiness has gone up significantly ever since I stopped caring about social media. So I hope you don’t make the same mistake as I did — please don’t measure your life’s worth to social media.
Despite my lack of commitment to the Instagram game, I’m very thankful for everyone who has reached out, given me feedback, taken the time to just connect on this platform. You are beautiful souls, and I feel your good energy. I couldn’t have gone through this journey without your help. And things are about to get a whole lot more interesting, and I hope to keep you in the loop in a more fun way.
If you read it this far, wow you’re amazing. I know it’s rare for people to read blogs these days, let alone read long formats. I hope some of my raw discoveries can help you too.
3 thoughts on “why I don’t want to be called an influencer anymore”
Priscilla Denise says:
Agreed!!! Haha, I used to wanna be an “influencer” but I realized it’s only because of the fame, not the true purpose. I love photography and decided it was time to purse that instead of “likes”